What Did You Actually Learn About Sex Growing Up?

Let’s not talk about what you know now.
Let’s rewind to what you absorbed—quietly, subtly, through silence, side-eyes, or shame.

Most of us weren’t taught about sex.
We were taught about fear.
Or performance.
Or expectations.

Maybe you were told to wait until marriage.
Or that sex is “just physical.”

Or that desire is something to be ashamed of.
Or that it’s your job to keep someone else satisfied, even if you’re not into it.

Maybe you didn’t even get words.
Just looks. Avoidance.
A health class video that skipped over everything real.

And somehow… you were still expected to figure it out.
To know your boundaries.
To feel sexy.
To be confident.
To be in control of your body—even if no one ever taught you how to be in it.

Hidden Beliefs That Might Still Be There

It’s not just about what was said.
It’s about what was modelled. What you witnessed. What wasn’t safe to ask.

Here’s what might still be echoing in the background:

• “I’m supposed to want this.”

• “I don’t know how to say no without feeling guilty.”

• “Sex is a chore.”

• “If I’m not in the mood, something’s wrong with me.”

• “Pain is normal—just push through it.”

• “Being desired = being valuable.”

These messages don’t always sound this clear.
Sometimes they show up in how your body reacts.
The way you shut down.
The fear of speaking up.
The confusion around what you actually want.

You’re Allowed to Question It

This isn’t about blaming your past.
It’s about getting honest with the impact.

We carry stories we didn’t choose.
But that doesn’t mean we have to keep living by them.

You can unlearn without knowing exactly what you believe yet.
You can hold space for confusion and still move toward clarity.
You can question everything you were taught—without having to prove why.

If You’re Sitting With This Right Now…

There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling unsure.
Or shut down.
Or disconnected from sex altogether.

You’re not too late.
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.

Getting curious about your sexual story isn’t self-indulgent—it’s necessary.
You deserve a version of sex that makes sense to your body, your values, and your actual desires.

And that starts with asking:

What did I learn about sex growing up?
What did I not learn that I wish I had?
What parts of that story don’t feel true anymore?

You don’t need a full rewrite today.
But you do deserve to hold the pen.